Surat Rayuan MARA

Kelmarin ak and Mama pegi ibu pejabat MARA nk tnya pasal whether MARA nk taja x Grad Dip Archaeology ak klu ak dpt tajaan for MA Artefact Studies. Lepas dah jmpa pegawai MARA yg bertugas kt Bahagian Peganjuran Pelajaran MARA ak diberitahu MARA memamg TIDAK sponsor any foundation b4 master nih, Maka secara teknikalnya mmg MARA takkan taja Grad Dip Archaeology ak nih r. Sumpah ak down gile time pegawai MARA tuh mention bnda nih. But after dat pegawai MARA tuh punyala baik hati ajar kat ak yg ak bole wat surat untuk rayuan bagi situation ak nih. Dier ckp wat surat nih and den cuba wat appointment dgn pihak atasan untuk dapatkan sokongan mereka. Soo ak n Mama trus rangka surat nih and tnjk kt pegawai MARA tersebut for some proof read. Dier ader mention a few things and lepas ak balik je rumah ak taip elok2 and inilah hasilnya.

YBhg. Datuk Ibrahim bin Ahmad
Ketua Pengarah MARA
Ibu Pejabat MARA,
Kuala Lumpur

Tuan,

PERMOHONAN TAJAAN PINJAMAN PELAJARAN MARA BAGI MENGIKUTI KURSUS “GRADUATE DIPLOMA ARCHAEOLOGY” DI UNIVERSITY COLLEGE LONDON (UCL), UNITED KINGDOM BAGI SESI 2013/2014

Dengan segala hormatnya perkara di atas adalah dirujuk,

2. Untuk makluman pihak Tuan, saya Muhammad Azam bin Adnan merupakan pelajar lepasan Ijazah Sarjana Muda Sains Kemanusiaan di Universiti Islam Antarabangsa Malaysia (UIAM). Saya mempunyai minat yang mendalam untuk menyambung pelajaran di peringkat Ijazah Sarjana dalam bidang arkeologi. Justeru itu, saya telah memohon dan menerima tawaran untuk mengikuti pengajian dalam bidang “MA Artefact Studies” di University College London (UCL), United Kingdom.

3. Saya telah dimaklumkan bahawa pihak Bahagian Penganjuran Pelajaran MARA hanya memberi tajaan kepada kursus di peringkat Ijazah Sarjana sahaja. Sewaktu memohon untuk menyambung pelajaran di peringkat Ijazah Sarjana bagi kursus “MA Artefact Studies” di University College London, saya tidak dimaklumkan oleh pihak universiti bahawa pelajar Ijazah Sarjana Muda yang tidak mempunyai latar belakang dalam bidang arkeologi perlu mengambil kursus “Graduate Diploma Archaeology” terlebih dahulu sebelum mengikuti kursus “MA Artefact Studies” ini. Maka, sebagai pra-syarat untuk saya mengikuti kursus “MA Artefact Studies”, saya telah diwajibkan untuk mengikuti kursus “Graduate Diploma Archaeology” selama setahun bermula dari 23 September 2013 sehingga 13 Jun 2014.

4. Bersama-sama surat ini, saya lampirkan surat tawaran “Unconditional Offer” bagi kursus “Graduate Diploma Archaeology” untuk sesi 2013/2014, surat tawaran “Conditional Offer” bagi kursus “MA Artefact Studies” untuk sesi 2014/2015 dari University College London (UCL) serta transkrip penuh Ijazah Sarjana Muda Sains Kemanusiaan saya di Universiti Islam Antarabangsa Malaysia (UIAM) untuk perhatian pihak Tuan.

5. Saya dengan rendah hati memohon pihak Tuan dan Bahagian Penganjuran Pelajaran MARA agar dapat mempertimbangkan permohonan saya untuk mendapatkan tajaan Pinjaman Pelajaran MARA bagi mengikuti kursus “Graduate Diploma Archaeology” dan “MA Artefact Studies” yang telah saya terima daripada University College London ini. Saya yakin dan percaya bahawa tajaan ini merupakan batu loncatan terbaik untuk membolehkan saya meneroka potensi diri saya dalam mencapai cita-cita menjadi seorang ahli kurator yang berjaya. Saya juga berharap ilmu yang bakal saya perolehi melalui Ijazah Sarjana ini dapat menyumbang kepada pembangunan bidang arkeologi mahupun permuziuman negara yang saya cintai supaya mampu menjadi setaraf dengan negara-negara maju seperti United Kingdom.

Terima kasih untuk untuk perhatian yang diberi dan masa yang diluangkan. Semoga permohonan ini mendapat pertimbangan sewajarnya daripada pihak Tuan dan didahului dengan ucapan terima kasih

Sekian, terima kasih.

Yang benar,

MUHAMMAD AZAM BIN ADNAN

Terima kasih juga kepada Wawa M Bakry dan Maryam Nabeelah Ismail kerana double proof read surat ni. So semalam ak bangun pagi2 p bangunan MARA balik n amik pass kt pak guard naek tingkat 26 nk try wat appointment dgn pihak atasan MARA. Mula2 ak ckp ak nk wat appointment dgn Ketua Pengarah MARA tapi lepas ak dah citekan situasi ak kt akak receptionists dier bgtaw ak soh wat appointment dgn Timbalan Ketua Pengarah MARA (Pendidikan). Ak ok je soo masa dier bwk g masuk ruangan opis nih ak ad nmpk Timb. Ketua Pengarah MARA nih, Datuk Rahim Abd Ghani tgh wat short meeting dgn someone else. Akak td soh ak tggu. Tggu pnya tggu PA Datuk Rahim ni kuar n jmpa ak tnya ak ni sape n nape nk jmpa Datuk. Ak pn explain la balik ak pnya kes n den dier amik ak pnya surat ni n serta dokumen2 sokongan. Patu kena tggu ag n last2 PA Datuk Rahim ni soh ak cek dgn Bahagian Penganjuran Pelajaran MARA dalam 2-3 hari lagi nk cek status permohonan ak nih. Ak kecewa gak r x dpt jmpa Datuk nih wlupn dier ader je kt dlm bilik dier tuh n x silap ak dier mcm free je tapi xpela asalkan surat ak smpi kt tangan dier sendiri. Ak bersyukur gak masa ak datang nih Datuk tuh ader n xde kuar p meeting mana2 ke soo at least dier dptla surat ak nih. So skang tgh berdoa macam gilee so dat's ak pnya permohonan diluluskan. Huhu

Another thing yg ak tgh riso gak nih ak kena amik Ujian Psikmoetrik MARA senin dpn nih. Ak dhla taktau ujian Psikometrik ni mende ap. Masa jmpa pegawai MARA tuh dier ckp ni IQ test. Urgh ak x penah cuba wat IQ test sblm ni pasal ak mmg x suka IQ test n mmg x nk amik taw lgsg pn ak pnya IQ bape. Patu exam dier dhla jauh gile kt Beranang. UNIKL MIAT tak silap ak tmpt wat exam nih. Huhu.

Slip Ujian Psikometrik Pasca Siswazah MARA ak.

Memandangkan exam ni senin dpn 29/4/2013 mmgla ak kena ponteng keja. Hopefully everything goess well la nt. Sumpah ak mmg tak keruan skang pikir masa depan ak esp MARA nih. Sumpah ak akan devastated gile gak klu ak x dpt sponsorship 4m MARA nk smbg stdy kt UCL nih. Ak taw klu ak x dpt sepatutnya ak kena redha tp kompem dlm sebulan dua mmg ak akn depressed gile babeng n kompem takes time nk kembali ke normal. Dahla skang ni dah stat keja and honestly speaking I don't like my job. Sangat stressful! Ak x expect lgsg yg keja call centre ni stress gile. Patu dgn kena keja shifts lagi mmg wat ak pikir bole ke x ak tahan keja ni. Skang ni gaji/allowances/tiket murah MAS jelaa jd penguat semangat ak nk trus keja nih. Huhuhu

p/s: Dear Allah, please ease my difficulties. Sessungguhnya ak adalah hamba-MU yang hina dan kepada-MU jugala ak meminta segala pertolongan. :'(

Adulthood

Assalamualaikum and Salam Sejahtera to my dear faithfully readers,

Yeaaaaaah it's me again and I'm back on blogging! Hehe. Dah lama gileeee x blogging. Last time ak check ak wat post kat blog nih on August 5 2012. Tupn post nih pasal praktikal ak kt IAMM yg horror wich ak just copy paste from my report. Soo post kali nih nk update skit (skit ke? mcm byk je ak rasa) bout me.

1. 10 YEARS TOGETHER WITH IIUM FINALLY ENDED!

Alhamdulillah ak sgt bersyukur yg ak dah grad from IIUM on 13th January 2012. Wlupn result tak kuar ag (dh nk kuar dh pn 30/1 nih) tp ak nk ckp dh yg ak dh grad pasal ak yakin last sem smuanya sbjk ak dh boleh lulus dah. Hahaha. Tak sgka ak dh abeskan degree. Rasa legaaaa sgt dh abes degree nih cuz rasa satu bebanan kt bahu nih dh ilang. Now I can proudly say to my parents: "Mama and Abah, I am undergraduate now". Tak sia2 my parents kuarkan lots of money for me untuk smbg blaja kt IIUM nih cuz akhirnya berbaloi gak usaha dorg nih. Hehe. Ingt senang ke nk abes degree? In my situation, it took me 5 and a half years to finish my degree at IIUM tercinta. Ak plk minor Bisnes soo mmg puas gile akhirnya ak dpt gak abeskan additional 11 subjects yg ak kena amik in order to complete my minor. Bayangkanla member Human Sciences yg laen just amik total credit hours dlm 120++ credit hours while ak plk kena amik 149 credit hours.  Paling terharu ak dpt gak abeskan degree ak with minor dlm masa 4 tahun gak mcm org lain. Seksa segala jiwa batin raga kot nk wat minor Bisnes nih. Hahaha. Takpela at least I learnt soo many things with business subjects klu x asyik terperak dgn sbjk2 history pn tak berkembang minda n knowledge ak nih.

Well ak ckp 10 years pasal 10 tahun nih termasuk skali dgn 5 tahun ak kt skola Sg Pusu cuz during these 5 years hidup ak mmg tak lari dr IIUM. Yela solat jumaat every week kt sini, wat sukan tahunan kt sni n so on. Wlupn ad je members ak yg perli ak cuz hidup ak x berkembang dr skola smpi kt u duk kat Gombak je but I never regret. Generally speaking, ak rasa best sgt blaja kt uia. Ak rasa yg paling best skali da Islamic environment yg ak dpt sepanjang ak belaja kt sini. This is something I am gonna miss so much. Huhuhu.

2. POSTGRADUATE

So far I am planning to do my master at UK. I have applied 6 universities at UK but I decided to decline 3 universities which are Manchester and Glasgow because both universities asked me to retake the IELTS test while Westminster did not respond at all my IELTS result. So I just left UCL, Leeds and St Andrews. Tp St Andrews nih rasanya mcm xdpt je pasal dier nk CGPA 3.6 while my current CGPA only 3.515. Besides result final sem yg kuar nt pn mmg kompem takkan dpt naekkan CGPA ak smpi 3.6 but stil ak nk try gak r anta saje2 fefeeling nk try market. Haha. So most probably just pilih antara UCL and Leeds. Of kos hati nih mmg nk sgt p UCL cuz it's UCL kot! Kat London plk tuh and UCL is currently at no 3 for best university in the world. However nk p UCL nih stil dilema cuz x kompem ag wat MA psl I have to do Graduate Diploma Archaeology first since ak xde background in Archaeology. Klu p Leeds mmg dh kompem wat MA. Hmmmm.

But lately ni ak rasa ragu2 n down sgt pasal Master ak nih. First because Master ak nih is totally something new pasal it is in Archaeology field n ak plk just ad background in History je. Second, lepas baca details course nih ak rasa mcm PAYAH GILER n tak mampu nk wat. Of kos artefact studies sounds appealing to me but pikir2 balik ak takut ak bosan n better stick with history je. Ntah r ak rasa dilemma sgt. Third ak riso gile dgn wat master nih ak dapat keja ke x lepas dh abes master nih nt. I mean kamon kt Malaysia nih sape la pandang sgt sape yg ader Master in artefact studies nih? Terpikir gak nk kerja kat UK tp rmi ckp skang foreigners susah nk keja kt UK pasal recession bagai. Arghhhh soo many to think about!

Another thing dat I am afraid to sambung Master kt UK ni is dat I am going to leave my comfort zone. Smua bnda kena independent. Besides for da first time I am going to be far away from my family. Mesti sedih gile. Ak ni dh la life skills ZERO! Drive keta pn takut smpi skang. Masak lgsg laaa tak reti. Kerja bertukang or pape manly works ni apatah lagi. Bwk moto wlupn dah accident 4x jela berani. Pelik2 btul ak. Haha. I think it is time for me to be my own n no more dependent kat org dh. Huhuhu.

Ak nih yakin je ckp psl Master nih macam dh kompem pegi. Actually ak just dpt conditional offer je baru. Lps dh dpt final result nih kena anta official full transcript kt unis yg ak apply nih n den tggu whether ak dpt unconditional offer ke x. Klu dpt unconditional offer nih mksdnya tempat ak dh guaranteed r kat sana. Patu sponsor pon x kompem ag. Ak harap r sgt dpt MARA tp MARA nk final CGPA 3.5 n ak riso gilee n berdoa n berharap sgt so dat kuar je result 30/1 nih CGPA ak dpt maintain 3.5. Klu final CGPA ak bwh 3.5 mmg punah la harapan nk smbg master kt UK. Mintak2la x. Klu bnda ni terjadi terpaksa la pikir Plan B. What is Plan B? Ntah ak pn x taw.

3. EMPLOYMENT

Memandangkan result tak kuar ag soo ak takderla apply keja skang nih. Plan kuar je final result nt trus nk apply partial transcript. Tak sggp la plk nk tggu full transcript br apply keja cuz lmbt sgt. Full transcript takes time nk kuar pasal kena tggu result endorsed by senate. Den kena wat clearance dlu r so leceh. 

Seyesly, ak kena keja cepat. Ak tak sggp depends on Mama, Abah n Balan mintak duet n belas kasihan dorg je belanja ak makan. It is time for me to belanja Balan n tanggung my parents. Besides ak dahla pinjam duet Abah RM1200 nk beli iPhone 5 guna Pakej Komunikasi Belia SKMM tuh so nk cepat2 bayar hutang nih lagi. Den ditambah ag dgn monthly ASB ak kena byr manalaa ak nk korek duet nih klu x kerja. 

So far xtaw nk keja ap. Bajet nk keja HR, Customer Services or sth related dgn dua2 ni r. Sepatutnya ak kena tggu setahun utk dipanggil dgn gomen pasal ak JPA holder but mmg x r ak nk tggu setahun. Lagipn ex-students yg amik kos tak professional mcm ak nih utk TIDAK DIPANGGIL by JPA adalah 90%. Maka keja swasta je r. Plan nk keja yg banyak gaji trus wlupn kena merana pasal nk simpan duet p UK. Hopefully murahla rezeki ak senang dpt keja. AMEEEEN!

4. MARRIAGE

Tahun ni ak dh 24 tahun n of all topics yg ak paling nk elak sekali adalah KAHWIN. Of kos skang nih mana2 ak p everyone is talking about marriage. Well nk wat cmne dah ak mmg idup in Malay culture maka waktu2 cmni mmg topik perbualan smua nk kahwin. Kadang2 rasa annoy gak pasal it gives u some sort of pressure yg ko kena kahwin cepat. Klu borak2 dgn members mesti je ader sorg dua kuarkan statement "Azam laa kawen dlu" but seyesly that is not gonna happen.

I once told my friends in high school dat I do not want to get married and yes ak masih berpegang kepada statement ini smpi skang. I believe in JODOH cuma ntah r I do not see myself as a husband and a father. There are too much responsibilities that you have to bear. Of kos I love kids but ntah r ak seyes takder hati nk kawen. Lagipon I never fall in love betul2 n ak tak nmpk ag jodoh ak nih. In fact ak dh siap sedia n terima hakikat dat I am gonna end up alone smpi ak dah tua nt n everyone will judge me. Oh also dis is another reason y I want to go to UK, live and work there cuz I wanna run away from this Malay culture dat if u do not marry u r considered worthless to the society. 

But of course klu dah ditakdirkan ak utk kahwin ak terima je la tapi biar masa saje la yg tentukan segalanya yew.

Semenjak jd penganggur berjaya nih mmg duk umah je la sepanjang masa. Nk kuar umah jenjalan takder duet pon soo byk abeskan masa depan laptop layan Oscar nominated movies n hindustan. Hehe

I think dat's all la kot. Later.

Speak

Think before you speak. People around you might get hurt even though you are not planning to hurt them in the first place.

"Watch your thoughts for they become words. Watch your words for they become actions. Watch your actions for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny!"

p/s: You help your friend because you love them.

Apabila Diri Penat Bekerja Sambil Belajar

5 words to describe my current situation:

Penat !

Penat ! !

Penat ! ! !

Penat ! ! ! !

Penat ! ! ! ! !

Br ak taw betapa PENATNYA kerja klu sambil belajar. So klu dah penat ni ak senang get cranky n cause unnecessary drama. Maaf kepada sape2 yg terkena panahan laser statement ak sjk kblakangan ni pasal skang ni ak senang nk melaser org tanpa berlapik2.

p/s: Paham niat di hati tu taknk riak2 n heboh2 pegi umrah. Tapi klu dah ckp kat ak g trip at Santubong, Sarawak while sebenarnya ko g umrah sooo I was like whaaaat ?? Rasanya tak salah bgtau org bnda2 elok cmni. Lagi org suka n doakan kesejahteraan ko kat Tanah Suci tu ag ader r. Hmm weird. But wuteva la. Semoga selamat pergi dan selamat pulang. Moga2 smua doa termakbul ketika berada di Tanah Haram.

 Update: Sorry for the misunderstanding. Should not jump right into conclusion. Like I said, currently in da tired mood and easily get cranky. Trying to adapt with da current working situation. Please forgive me. Always love you too. Xx

Just a Feeling

If,

"Now every February
You'll be my valentine" - Teenage Dream, Katy Perry

"Just hold on to me
I'll hold on to you" - Parachute, Cheryl Cole

"Meet me in the pourin rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk" - Sparks Fly, Taylor Swift

"In a sea of people
There is only you" - Touch My Hand, David Archuleta,

But,

"I am in misery
There ain't nobody can comfort me" - Misery, Maroon 5

p/s: "Lonely was the song I sang" - Half of My Heart, John Mayer

‘Will and Won’t’ from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, chapter 3

Credit to Chantelle

Pookay

Urghhh aku benci keadaan skang. Aku benci segala2nya ! Rasa cm nk soh org bunuh aku byk kali je. Exam start ari sabtu ni patu berderet ahad n den senin. Naperla smua xam aku kat YuuuuYaaaaYeeiaaa ni msti berderet2 je dr dlu?! Mmgla pas senin tu aku der gap cm lama gak tapi tertekan kot nk blaja cm org gile for 3 paper berderet ni. Patu 13 Nov aku ader double paper. Cam KIMAK je ! Dahla aku tensen dgn Statistic pasal byk giler bnda aku tak paham. Patu dgn Management wich aku rasa ap yg aku baca notes dier aku tak paham lgsg pasal smua words dier guna bahasa alien. Naperla ko tu bodoh sgt Azam Baizen tibe2 nk minor BBA ? Skang br nk nyesal. Kadang2 aku rasa cm nk stop je blaja. Penat r blaja. Br skang aku tau nape ramai laki2 kat sana taknk sambung laja n keja trus or merempat je dlm life dorg. Seyes study mmg penat. Nk kena pikir tula pikir ni la. Patu nk hafal ni la hafal tu la. Wat kerja2 mengarut la. Last2 lupa gak.

Hidup ni banyak sgt tekanan. No wonder la rmi sgt org bunuh diri or cari bnda yang tak elok nk lepaskan diri daripada smua masalah yg melanda diri dorg.

I hate my life ! I hate EVERYTHING ! ! Byk sgt bnda tak kena. BYK SGT ! ! !

p/s: Betul la kata Paramore. The truth never sets me free.

Beauty

Klu ko dah cantik or hensem tu ko pakai or buh jela pape kat badan ko smua ko pakai nmpk cantik n smart je. Org pon akan pandang ko je tiap kali ko g mana2. Tak kesahla wlupon dorg taktau ko tu freak ke, loner ke, byk masalah kat dunia ni ke, perangai macam setan ke smua org nk jd cm ko. Msti smua org nk kenal dgn ko. Smua org pon nk tiru gaya macam ko dr cara ko berpakaian, berjalan, bercakap dan macam2 lagi. Yela, smua org suka bnda cantek kat dunia ni.

p/s: Teringin nk smua bnda BESAR ! Sigh

What Can I Do ?

Like Paramore said:

And I'm on my way to believing

It's happening. I am having 'faith' crisis.








p/s: I wish I have the Time-Turner (a time travel device) like Hermione Granger had in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban so that she could attend more classes than time would normally allow in Hogwarts. As for me, I just want to go back to my childhood and see everything in black and white and do not understand the meaning of subjective.


p/ss: I do not want to be Robert Langdon too ! Huhu

Apathy

I always hate myself. It has been a long time since I loved myself.


I don't feel calm and peace anymore.


Sometimes I wish that I never existed in this world because the world is SOOO Cruel to me.


I am weak.


I am a Loser because I don't have someone special to share my life with.


I want to say 'I love you' but I never have the chance to do that.


I hate my friends because they have a better life than me. I always cry with envy when I see them.


Everyday I wake up I wish that I am somebody else.


I always get things that I never wanted in my life. I never get what I really want in my life.


I am afraid about my future because I know I will end up alone.


I always feel hopeless and it seems I don't believe in hope anymore.


I smile but actually I cry.


I am depressed but I am very good in hiding it to people.


People always said they know me but they don't.


I am sick and unhealthy.


Every word I said is full lies and deceits.


I am really a bad person and I do sick things. Once again no one notices this.


I scream and scream but no one hears me.


More importantly, I am not happy and never will happy.

Satu dekad tu bersamaan dgn 10 tahun laa . .

10 years have passed . . So let’s see if I have changed a lot ke tak ? Hmph . .

· Klu dlu time Darjah 5, aku bukan men kekok nk tulis tarikh tahun 2000 jadi 00 time awal tahun smpi la pertengahan thun. Even Sir yg ajar aku English time tu pon siap ckp dier kekok tulis thn 00 ni. So aku rasa aku akn kekok gak tulis tarikh 2010 jadi 10 je. Apa la aku ni nk tgk change kat tulis tarikh pon nk bgtau. Ahaha !

· Klu kat skola rendah dlu aku bole dikatakan atlet pasal masuk acara lari n balapan bagai, skang ni aku tak bersukan langsung n sgt kurang melakukan aktiviti yg mengeluarkan peluh ni. Aku juga rasa aku makin clumsy klu bab2 sukan ni.

· Klu dlu best fren aku sorg je skang ni best fren aku keep changing from one to another. Actually dorg tak penah pon aggp aku sbg best fren dorg aku jew yg pasan.

· Klu dlu aku sgt suka steal da limelights n agak popular time kat skola (Yeker?Hehe), skang ni aku sgt pasif n intovert di universiti. Kwn2 kat skola dlu pon ag byk compare to kat universiti. Wow I am really having problem with social consciousness dgn org sekeliling aku. Well, Wot Ea Voir !

· Klu dlu aku aktif berpersatuan n join activites sana sini, skang dah tak lagi.

· Klu dlu aku suka jimat duet, skang ni aku tersangat BOROS ! !

· Klu dlu aku suka simpan duet semata2 nk beli novel tiap kali cuti, skang ni aku lagi suka beli baju2 or pape yg aku rasa menarik dr buku. Kesimpulannya books bukan main priority aku dah. But takder r langsung bukan priority aku. I still love books ! : )

· Klu dlu aku confuse n lost, skang ni aku tak confuse ag dah.

· Klu dlu aku tak taw pasal internet ni esp pasal download2 muvies, series n clips ni, skang ni aku sgt giler akan download2 ni n in fact ia merupakan hobi kegemaran aku skang.

· Klu dlu aku sgt jeles n meluat tgk org slalu tkr phone (sgt jeles tiap kali Afiq Faidhi datang time Prep malam show off hp baru yg dier syik tukar n Teacher Ellysha yg tak abis2 show off hp br time tusyen BI), skang ni aku dah jadi org tu pon. As from now, aku dah tkr 5 phones ! Dis year n sooner it’s going to be 6 ! Gosh !

· Klu dlu aku sgt tak rapat dgn Balan n asyik gado je, skang ni kitorg kamcing giler vavi nye. Hehe.

· Klu dlu aku tak pandang itu fesyen n brand2 mahal ni like Topman n just suka shopping kat Jusco je, now I really do !

· Klu dlu aku tak pakai perfume, skang ni klu bole satu botol tu aku nk tuang kat badan aku. Haha.

· Klu dlu aku slalu ckp kat diri yg aku takkan dpt g luar negara smpi bile2 pasal dah tak dpt smbg laja kat overseas, tgk2 aku dah jejakkan kaki ke United Kingdom (London,Southampton,Manchester,Liverpool,Warwick,Oxford), France (Paris) dan Singapore! Oh tak lupa juga to Kelantan, Terengganu dan Sarawak. Haha. I feel so lucky. Next destination: Haramayn and maybe Italy. Insya Allah.

· Klu dlu aku takder aset harta yg berharga, skang ni aku ader byk aset berharga like motorsikal, laptop dan macam2 lagi.

· Klu dlu aku sgt fanatik dgn Harry Potter, well aku masih lagi fanatik n proud to be HP Die-Hard-Fan smpi ke mati !

· Klu dlu aku sgt sakit mata n benci tgk bdk2 skola aku pakai suar cikang n singkat2 ni, skang aku sgt suka suar2 ni n I’m going to keep on buying those pants ! In fact, aku rasa ley naek giler klu tgk org pakai skinny yg kena dgn dorg. (Note: British people in Stansted Airport !)

· Klu dlu tiap kali aku dtg UIA for Friday Prayer, aku pelik ap ke bnda la Kuliyyah IRKHS ni n slalu mocking pronounce IRKHS in “irrrkss”, tgk2 I am a student in dis Kuliyyah. (IRKHS stands for Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Human Sciences)

· Klu dlu aku sgt suka sebut “Menjengkelkan, Jiaaaaaar,Skandals”, skang ni aku lagi prefer ckp “Oh My Gosh, Oh ea, Bodo, Babi, Pantat” dan mencarut. Haha.

· Klu dlu aku tak penah taw ap itu rmbt lurus, skang aku dah kenal n aku sgt suka akn hairstyle cm2 n prefer rmbt aku cm2 even tho rmi org tak suka rmbt aku cmni. Peduli ap aku. (Masih lagi tak dpt maafkan org2 yg hina aku klu bab2 rmbt ni)

· Klu dlu aku takder bilik sndri kat umah aku, skang aku dah ader bilik plus my own CLOSET !

· Klu dlu aku laja Arab sejak dr Darjah 1, skang aku stil laja kat UIA. Blaja bertahun2 tak gak pandai2 ckp Arab smpi skang. Aiyoo

· Klu dlu aku rasa terurus skit dlm bab2 agama ni, now I don’t.

· Klu dlu org slalu ejek dpn2 aku lembut dan pape sahaja perkataan yg berkaitan dgnnya, skang ader je ag but mostly lebey to umpatan.

· Klu dlu aku suka English n perasan aku pandai ckp English kat skola, skang ni aku sgt benci English dan terasa sgt bodo in English dan klu bole tak nk ckp in English. (But i still love English songs, movies, series, celebrities n books!)

· Klu dlu, aku slalu belikan Opah paper, kelapa parut, kicap dan bermacam2 lagi barang di kedai runcit pas balik skola agama smpi handle basikal aku berat sebelah, skang dah tak lagi.

· Klu dlu org slalu panggil aku lidi, kurus kering, anorexia nervosa, tak ckup makan, skang aku bukan lagi k! Aku dah makin berisi n yg paling penting BMI aku 20.3! Itu menunjukkan berat badan ideal wlupun aku kurus gak. At least aku dah tak underweight cm dlu. So people, STOP CALLING ME THESE NAMES !! Cermin diri dlu tu sket sebelum nk judge org.

So myb I have changed a lot cuma kadang2 tu kiter tak pasan yg kiter ni dah change a lot. Well, bak kata Beyonce “I am Me”.

p/s: Oh kepada kwn2 UIA terima kaseh pasal berikan aku kepuasan yg teramat sgt semasa kiter bersuka ria di Genting Highland. Ni la trip to Genting aku yg paling best stakat ni! Thanz Guys!

p/ss: Sgt obsessed dgn Pixie Lott skarang ini ! Payah aku nk minat artis British ni. Ni smua penangan pas balik dr London r ni. Haha.

A good beat never hurts no one ! Yeaaaahhh !

This is the way You Left Me . .

My life is weird enough . . Kan Ikhwan Mustafa ? ? ?

Believe Me

I've




got




a




right




to






be

































WRONG ! ! ! !


p/s: So happy I could die . .

Show Me What I'm Looking For . . .

Wait, I'm wrong
Should've done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist

So show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord

Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
To save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused

Show Me What I'm Looking For by Carolina Liar

p/s: The hole is getting bigger and bigger and I think I cannot mend it anymore. The hope has left me. All I can do is just smile and be fake.

I'm Not A Guy Who . .

1. I'm Not A Guy Who petang2 g maen futsol or bola sepak or rugby or jogging n berpeluh2 giler2 n pulang ke bilik dgn badan berbau peluh sampai satu bilik stinks like Hell as usual boys do. Instead aku just tido time petang2 or have a chit chat wit my rum8s takpon berkaraoke dgr lagu2 feveret masing2 or reading my feveret novels.

2.I'm Not A Guy Who speaks sports 24/7 takpon klu bukak newspaper bukak bhgian sports dlu or berjaga tgh2 mlm smata2 nk tgk Live EPL punya Match mahupon bergado2 dan memerli2 feveret futbol clubs sesama2 kengkawan. Instead I speak Disney and Harry Potter dan tatkala berjumpa dgn kawan2 I yell to them Harry Potter is da Coolest thing eva n Hannah Montana Rocks! I also watch High School Musical 3 three times and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince 2 times at cinema. Plus, I laugh like a hell when watching Hannah Montana series and never miss to watch American Idol and E! News.

3.I'm Not A Guy Who participates in clubs or societies or pegi meeting tiap2 mlm time kat UIA or time weekend terlibat dgn programme jadi Facilitators mahupon pegi kem n masuk hutan climbing mountains or join sport marathons. Instead every night I spend my time wit my rum8s having dinner from 8.30pm to 10.30pm kat kafe ALi borak2 sesama ktorg or stdy for Quizzes n wat assignments takpon tgk series yg aku dload kat umah. But recently most of my time I spend my time kat malls watching new movies during weeknights and on weekend I spend my time again at malls eating fast foods esp Mcdonalds and shopping klu aku ader duet and just having a normal n boring life. I am passive not an active boy.

4.I'm Not A Guy Who listens to lagu2 Rock Kapak or Lagu Nasyid or Malay Songs orrr Indie Songs( Not a SOLA (Support Our Local Act) )fan. Instead I listen to Hollywood Pop Rock, R n B, Ballads and Disney Genres especially with female voices. (Currently I am addicted to Crazy by Hannah Montana!)

5.I'm Not A Guy Who girls found me cute or charming or suka berayat manis or macho or built-strong-boy or handsome or whenever I walk pass a Girl she would say "He is HOT! and CUTE!".I'm also Not A Guy Who has girlfriends and spend my day texting with my girlfriend 24/7 or talking soflty out of sudden even though da original voice is macho when my girlfriend call me.Instead I'm A Guy Who makes girls laughing due to my excessive Bedah and Non-stop Mulut Pot-Pet macam Mak Cik meniaga jual kaen or tudung kat Pasar Malam and Jalan TAR.The Girls also found me it is easy to talk with me as I consider myself a gud listener and ask me opinions to solve their problems with their boyfriends. Other than that, sometimes Guys look at me with sinister looks and smirking due to my extra feminine hormones or whispering to their friends like 'lembut,papuk,mak hayam' n so on. I'm also A Guy Who texts my friends to spread da gossips or just to eradicate my boredom with asking typical and boring questions like "Ko watper?dah makan?nk tido dah kew?".

6.I'm Not A Guy Who has a lot friends and very peramah when meeting new people. Most of da boys they have a lot of friends because they meet new people thru futsol games and working together in programmes. They also talk among them about cars, sports, girls, pornography and smoking cigars. I'm also Not A Guy Who very popular in my Course and have many acquantainces. Instead I only have certain friends and I can count them with my own fingers and seat alone in my classes. Most of my closest friends talk about fashion, gossips, celebrities and browsing magazines like Hot, Galaxie, GQ and Harper's Bazaar. I can also say that I am introvert Not extrovert Guy.

7.I'm Not A Guy who spends a lot of money on boots, sport shoes, jerseys, cameras or lomos and sport's gears. Instead I spend a lot of my money buying a pile of books and novels to read and peruse like nerds do or shopping clothes.

Therefore, wut kind of Guy I am??I always ponder that to myself and sometimes I wish that I have ol of those life and interest and qualities like the "I'm Not A Guy Who.." people. But I always don't realize dat I am Unique and supposedly I should thankful for ol the things dat happen to me even though I am certainly and affirmatively going to be miserable till death takes upon me. Well, God IS Great and He knows the best for me....

Me and Syahmi

Suddenly I See . . .

despicable. worthless. disgraceful. dejected. grief-stricken. sorrowful. trouble. hurting. lifeless. dismal. empty. futile. pathetic. wretched. meaningless.



Suddenly I see these in my blood. Everlastingly . .

Again . .

It happened again. It doesn't want to leave me and I cannot make It leave. No one can't help Me and I am all alone in this world. Period.

My Best Friend . .

"I am so high. I can hear Heaven.
I am so high. I can hear Heaven.
Oh but Heaven, No Heaven don't hear me."


Sad is my best friend and It always gonna be.No one can replace It..